I feel like writing.
Also, I’m drunk
"You’re not the only one." Leah told him as she rolled up her sleeves. "Sometimes," she started, "sometimes, seeing it, feeling it… tangibly feeling it…" she stuttered. "It just makes things better sometimes."
"Fuck you." Axel told her. "I can’t stand my past; I can’t deal with what I’ve done. I cared for so long about everyone, but who ever cares about someone like me? I’m just that eye-candy. I’d like to be worth more than the shit they say about me, and I’m damn sure worth more than the people that say it. Sure, I can get a girl to bed… but a woman? I can’t get her to stay more than 20 minutes. Don’t pretend you know me."
"I’ve been here for two hours, Ax. What the fuck does that make me?" Leah held her breath. Axel sighed.
"No tell me-"
"IT MAKES YOU NOTHING!" Axel spat. Silence filled the room. Tangible and sharp, it enveloped both of them in regret.
"Well," Leah started,
"Leah, no, wait. I didn’t mean…"
"Yes you did, Axel. You meant every word. The only question is why I’m still here." He sighed again, hard. His thoughts were clouded by the chemicals that he would never understand, cloaked in the off-white release he didn’t think he needed.
"I’ve got a lot going on right now. Everything… nothing. It’s all the same." Instantly, his world went to black and Axel fell to the floor.
"This. This is why I’m here. I saw you dose. I saw you do it, Axel. You’ve been lying to me…" Her words faded as she drew closer. He saw her now, in blurred sketches gliding over him. Were those tears? Leah never cried…ever. ‘Man, I fucked up,' Axel thought. She knelt on the floor by his side and whispered something… swearing, maybe? Did he recognize it? No… no he did not. She pulled in close to him. “Don't you dare stop breathing…”
His vision faded. The world spun in static circles, encompassing him with darkness. Leah touched him. His neck? Huh. Every sharp edge was slowly hushed to a curve, every fine line became circles. Everything seemed to exist only in essence. Nothing was real, nothing could be touched.
And then, all at once, he felt her. Her lips mumbled words that he couldn’t comprehend. And then again. She speaks, o’ speak again, bright angel. Her words started coming through.
"Axel!" He heard her yelling. Her hands were moving quickly… to his shirt? Maybe. He felt the cold brush against him with an inviting thrill. Yes, his upper half was naked now. He had more questions than anything else. She was talking again. Her voice, unrehearsed and perfect in its crackling imperfection.
"AXEL!" He felt her. Blackness was all there was left.
Leah sat by the hospital bed, as composed as a person could be. She held her book tightly in her hands, feeding the illusion of composure. She was doing nothing but thinking about what had happened. About him. Axel. Her thoughts flashed to the fight they had, the things he said to her, the way that he made her feel so small and then all at once was on the floor seizing. She called an ambulance, she resuscitated him, she kept him safe. Now, Leah sits at the hospital bed wondering how she found the strength to let him live… someone who had demeaned her, embarrassed her… someone who didn’t love her. Almost as if on cue, a woman Leah assumed was his mother came in. Her eyes were full of tears.
"Were you the one that saved him?" She asked Leah.
"Thank the paramedics for that." Leah smiled. "I just made the call." She took this opportunity to lie about her true intentions. She figured this was not the time to tell Axel’s mother about the clustered relationship they had held for the last two years. "We live in the same building, I came down to get a snack and just found him." His mother looked at Leah with approving eyes that darted to Axel. Leah smiled, she knew what his mother was thinking. As right as she was in her assumptions, Leah didn’t want to tell her. "I didn’t want him to be alone." Leah stood, closing her book. "Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m sure he will be in far better comfort with you than he would with me." She cast a glance to Axel. "Enjoy your nap, sleeping beauty."
"Thank you." His mother sobbed. Leah grabbed her outstretched hand and got pulled into a hug.
"Wha…" Leah heard the groan behind her. He was awake. She fled the room.
Leah cleared the hallway and started running, tears in her eyes. She ran, as far as she could away from him. She ran stright out of the hospital and around the corner, over to the lake. She lit herself a cigarette and took a deep drag. She had to let the tears come now, knowing that she was far away from anyone that could see her, knowing that she couldn’t contain them if she tried. Axel wouldn’t ever know it was her. ‘That’s a good thing’she told herself. No one ever needs to know.
And so they wouldn’t. She dropped her face into her hands.
From the window above, Axel watched Leah unravel… almost sure that he was to blame.